Awake in a Dream
by Unickcorn
Summary: *Spoilers for ST; Into Darkness* Khan has managed to damage his ship and the only way to fix it is to realign the core, which Jim Kirk does. The radiation kills him and Spock sets out for revenge, though before the Vulcan can Jim's eyes pop open, revealing a world of darkness. He is blind, which means it was all a dream, so he decides, but was it actually?
1. Chapter 1

The world around him seemed as if it had slowed; the echoing creeks and groans of his ship falling apart the only sound louder then his own adrenaline driven heart beat. His hands and feet moved accordingly, steady as they could be in this state of crisis, as he scaled the inner workings of the ship's power core, the determination of saving his crew -his family- from the fate he had delivered upon them the only thing keeping him going. Letting anything else inside his mind at this moment, he knew, would damn him and bring upon the realization of the danger he had put himself in for the hundreds of people aboard the Enterprise; the innocents that would die because of the orders he gave. And since James Tiberius Kirk would not have that, here he was, in the Enterprise's heart, climbing the sides of the structure to realign it's core.

Of course, this course of action came with a great sacrifice which was, ultimetly, death. Scotty had tried to stop him, tried to talk him out of it but Jim just ignored it. He ignored all of it; The statistics of survival, the slow death he would earn from playing in a chamber of radition, and dismissed the concern his head engineer showed for his life.

His mind was made and once it was set nothing could make him stray from it. He knew once he laid eyes on the hatch leading into the core that it was the only logical way to rescue his ship and the people aboard it. Scotty, on the other hand, disagreed.

"There's got to be an'ther way, Capt'n!"

"No, no there's not Scotty.. Open the hatch!"

"I can't let you do that, sir! It's suicide! ..You'll die before you even reach the top!"

Scotty still persisted which, ultimately, brought upon the punch to the face. Jim knew what had to be done and, clearly, Scotty was going to be in the way. So, he hit him, plain and simple, knocking his Head Engineer out cold before securing him to the seat just feet away from the core's opening.

And now, here he was, nearly at the top of his prime directive, skin crawling and head spinning.

His hand fumbled against the ledge of the core, searching lazily for something to grab hold of to pull himself up. His fingers glided over the metal machine, finger tips tingling every step of the way. A shaky breath of relief escaped as his hand grabbed hold of the handle, hauling himself up and kicking his leg up onto the ledge before forcing the rest of himself up, his breathing now heavy and strained."Liar.." Jim huffed out as he pushed himself back onto his feet, looking over the crooked core. It was misaligned alright, but nothing a little brute force couldn't fix. Jim glanced upwards for leverage before reaching and grabbing hold of the makeshift handles. Adjusting his grip a bit he brought his feet up onto the container and pushed back, his body swaying back and coming forward with force. He repeated this action several times before the core crudly clicked back into place, a force of energy kicking him backwards into the metal wall behind him.

The Enterprise was filled with flashing red lights and alarms, causing controlled chaos and panic throughout the ship. Engineers fought to repair the inner workings of the ship while others moved around with purpose, fighting frantically to get their ship back up into the dark void where they belonged.

Spock had the conn, him and the rest of the crew within the room unaware of their Captian's sacrifice.

Several things held the Commander's attention at this moment in time, but the increasing acceleration downward was the most prominent. He too was trying to save both the ship and her crew, much like their Captain but in a more logical way. Unfortunately, after calculating all outcomes, the best one was to have all crew abandon ship. With a press of a button Spock's voice was broadcast through the entire ship. "All crew are to abandon ship." More words followed after that; An explanation of what was to proceed.

"I'm not going anywhere, Sir." Sulu spoke, turning to face their acting Captain. "None of us are." Uraha chimed in with a faint smile, catching his gaze before moving back to her station. The others in the room seemed to agree, turning back to their work with determination.

Spock could only raise his brow at this outcome. He hadn't expected this outcome, but then they were Captain Kirk's crew and weren't easily diverted once their minds were set. "If you are certain."

The room fell silent as fingers frantically moved across keyboards and touch screens, the crew fighting to get the Enterprise back up into the sky. They held little knowledge of the happenings in engineering, the only information being power had been cut off from the core and that Chevok, Mr. Scott and Captain Kirk were on their way and working on a fix. None of them knew what fate had befallen their Captain.

Nothing was working. The ship was falling through the Earth's atmosphere now, surrounded by orange flame and dark smoke. She continued to shake and spin violently in the air, sending people within the ship in any number of directions if they weren't secured in, but thankfully most of the crew had gotten into escape pods and were rid of the fallen Federation vessel. Even still, with death starring them right in the face, the Alpha crew remained, fingers moving determinedly over their station's screens, fear and panic creeping into their expressions. Spock had watched it happen with all of his crew and was about to re-visit his earlier order when the engines kicked in, the ship beginning to fight back against the force and momentum around it.

"Engines back online!" The whole deck let out the breaths they all were unaware they were holding at Sulu's voice, the pressure in the room replaced by focused relief. Sudden chatter broke out, ensigns calling out percentages and confirmations to one another. They were going to live.

"Everything stable, Sir." Sulu chances a quick glance over his shoulder at the acting Captain, Spock giving a confirming nod. They were off.

All seemed to be going well, the ship was back in orbit and the crew, what was left, were hard at work. Finally, things were going in their favor. Until Montgomery Scott's strong scottish accent came through the communicator, his tone low and laced with sorrow. "Engineering to Bridge.."

"Yes, ?" Spock answered, not at all liking his tone.

"You'll want to get down here... quickly."

He froze, his mind finally recalling what the threesome had set out to do. It was then that he flew out of the Captain's chair and glided towards the turbolift, ignoring the stares he was receiving. The bad feeling he had had earlier was only making itself more prominent, which only made the feeling stronger. It burned in his chest, the agonizing idea that something horrible had happened to his Captain, his friend. These ideas are what made him burst into a full out sprint as the turbolift came to a stop and opened it's doors.

When he finally arrived at engineering he was met by Scotty, his expression troubled as he turned to face the Vulcan. He was silent, observing only as Spock walked past him to the glass door cautiously, hoping what he was expecting to see wasn't at all was he was going to; a highly radiated chamber with a dying James Kirk behind the glass.

One hesitant step after another, Spock came to a stop in front of the door, squatting in front of it as he watched his Captain tumble out of the entrance into the core. He turns to look at Scotty. "Open it!"

"The decontamination process is not complete, you'll flood the whole compartment. The door's locked, sir."

Jim didn't have long, not with the amount of radiation in the core. So, Spock turned back to his friend, ignoring Scotty's exsistance and focusing on the crystal blue eyes looking up at him.

"How's our ship?" The words are breathy, almost a whisper.

"Out of danger." He pauses, watching as Jim's eyes flutter open and close, fighting to stay focused. "You saved the crew.."

"You used what they wanted against them.." He breaths, nodding his head some before continuing, complimenting Spock's plan to destroy Khan's ship. "That's a nice move."

"It is.. what you would've done."

"And this.. this is what you would've done. It was only logical."

Lost for words, Spock kept silent only to watch as Jim's eyes became wet with tears.

"I'm scared Spock... help me not be.." Jim looked at him expectantly, hoping for reassurance when he knew very well there was none to be given. He was going to die, plain and simple, but atleast he had a friend nearby. That's all he wanted, heck, all he needed. "How do you choose not to feel?"

Spock, despite his Vulcan heritage was breaking. Jim could see it as the sides of his mouth began to quiver and eyes became wet. "I do not know.." His voice was a whisper. "..Right now I am failing."

A small smile formed on Jim's face, though nothing even close to his usual smirks and grins, it still shown through. "I want you to know why I couldn't let you die.. why I went back for you.."

Spock knew very well why. The feeling itself was present at this moment. He couldn't let Jim die just as Jim couldn't let him die. So, he finishs Kirk's words, a tear falling down his cheek. "..Because you are my friend."

Their gaze meets momentarily, Jim nodding once again to his friend's realization. He was glad Spock had understood him and his reasons for going back for him. They had grown close despite the odd fight and the foul words and indirect insults they had thrown at each other. 'I am - and always will be- your friend.' The words played in his head as he continued to look at the Vulcan in front of him before throwing his arm up and placing his hand on the glass. Almost instantly, Spock matched his movements, placing his own hand against the outside of the glass, his fingers separated in twos against his own; a Vulcan salute. The words were unsaid, but heard none-the-less. Kirk fought against his lack of motor function and inched his fingers into the mirror of Spock's salute, matching them.

Spock looked up from observing his Captain's fingers just in time to see the last of Jim's strength being put into a smile, his piercing blue eyes starring upward aimlessly. He was losing him. Jim was dying right in front of him and he couldn't do anything. More tears welled at the corners of his eyes. He hated this. Hated Kahn. Jim was the first person he had actually connected with other than his parents. He was the first to put in effort to get to know him, understand him. Yes, Uhura had tried but she never pushed like Jim had, never wanted to know bad enough. Another tear ran down his cheek, his gaze unwavering as he watched Jim's hand fall from the glass and the life in his eyes die away.

Scotty, still in the room but further away, had laid witness to all of it. He had tears in his eyes and was fighting back the urge to open the bloody chamber and drag him out. He was a friend and the person that made his life do a complete 360. Scotty was grateful for that, hell, he'd still be on that starbase on Delta Vega if it wasn't for Jim. But, much like Spock, he was useless. It was over.

Uhura, having been worried, had made her way into engineering unaware of what to expect but when she arrived she stumbled upon something she whole heartily hadn't wanted to play out. Tears welled in her eyes as she placed her hands over her mouth in disbelief, shock and distress.

His breathing's heavy now, the hate and angry welling up inside as he stares one at his Dead Captain. He wouldn't let Khan get away with this. He'd kill the man responsible, rob him of every last breath he held. "KHAAAN!" He yelled, springing up and taking off down the hall towards the transporter room. He'd finish this for his Captain.


	2. Chapter 2

Crystal blue eyes shot open, his body propelled forward in panic, a need, to be up right. He inhaled quickly, gasping for air as his hands shook, grabbing at the blanket resting overtop his waist, and lungs burned from the lack of air in them. It wasn't unclear of what had caused it. Just remembering it caused a cold shiver to shoot down his spine. He had died.. or so he thought. What was going on?

"Jim, hunny are you alright?" A soft voice soon filled the room, though her worry only seemed to increase with his lack of reply. "Jim?" she asked again, each of her footsteps echoing in his ear. It was strange how prominate they were. How, even the smallest noises, like the fabric of his mother's pajama's as she moved stood out to him. He could even hear the worry in her voice and yet, he could not see it. Infact he couldn't see anything. "..Can you turn on the light?"

There was a pause and then a hand cupped his cheek, lovingly. "Jim, it is on.."

A puzzled expression grew on his face. If the light was on and it was still dark maybe his eyes were still closed. That must be it, right? Far from it since he had just blinked, so he was, indeed, awake. "I'm blind?!" Everything was so clear moments ago... the ship, her crew and that one fellow with the pointy ears. What was he suppose to be anyways? An alien?

Another hand cupped his other cheek and a gentle 'shh' brought his attention back. The raw emotion on his face having had kicked on the comforting mother gene. "Yes. You were born blind, love."

Jim's heart tightened at her words, the realiazation hitting him hard. But she was right. Every memory he held was like a voice recording; the words still there but the pictures missing. "I'm fine.." He finally mustered out, collecting himself enough to reassure his mother. He took her hands from his face, offering a small smile before leaning into the soft lips placed on his forehead. "Night mom.."

"Night baby." And with that, she turned back the way she came, shutting off the light and closing his door.

There was silence once again, leaving Jim feeling a lot smaller than he had felt in some time. He didn't have a crew to protect or a ship to captain because he wasn't a Starfleet Captain. He was your averavge, everyday young adult, but blind. He had a mother and father and Sam, his brother. They all lived together under one roof, happily and normal. The thought didn't sit with Jim, but it was his life and whatever it was he had just dreamed was just that; a dream.

Lying back down, Jim let out a heavy sigh. He wouldn't get back to sleep now.. not when his dreams left him with so many questions.

The morning soon came, an alarm making that much obvious, and Jim was still lying on his back in his bed. He hadn't gone back to sleep, like he expected, but then he didn't exactly try to either. Most of the night was spent thinking about his dream, trying to make sense of it when really, there was no sense to be made. It was dream and therefore nothing more, right? '...It felt so real though.'

Sitting up, Jim pushed his blankets off, kicking his feet free before swinging them over the side of his bed. He sat there a moment, staring straight ahead, unsure of what was right infront of him or what his room was like. Was it decorated or was it bare? What color was it painted? More importantly; What did he look like? Did he resemble the man he had seen in his dreams; blond hair and gorgeous blue eyes, stronger shoulders and average height or was he something completely different? Still, so many questions..

He stood up with ease, swaying slightly before taking a step forward and then another and another. So far so good. Seemed he could manouver around his room just fine, but what about the house or the streets, if his family even let him outside alone. But before he'd get to tour the rest of his house he'd need to do his usual morning routine; shower, brush his teeth, etc.

It was all easier than he had originally thought.

Jim made it to the stairs and paused, his toes curled over the edge of the first step and his hand rested ontop of the railing. Fear wasn't what was on his mind. He wasn't afraid a few stairs even if he was blind. Yes, the fall would hurt but that would only make him more determined to learn and conquor them on his own. It's the way he was; nothing would keep him down for long. So, with a quick breath in he stepped down, allowing his feet to take him the rest of the way, step after step until he reached the last one. It seemed he had counted each step some time ago and recalling the number made it surprisingly easier. This same method also helped him move around downstairs aswell, the steps he needed to get into each room precise and memorized.

"I heard you didn't sleep well.. bad dream?" A new voice sounded in the silence, causing his ears to prick up. Who was that? He took a moment, his eyes shifting side to side as he thought, searched through his recorded memories. The voice was familiar, but not. It was hard to explain, but Jim felt like he had heard it before yet at the same time it sounded strange. "..Dad?" he questioned, his head lifting slightly at the sound of the man exhaling in a chuckle. "Yeah, who'd you think it was, Jimbo?" Suddenly Jim was overwhelmed, his heart jumping into his throat, his jaw tensing in effort to fight off an all out crying fit.

His father noticed this and made his way over to his son, bringing him into a hug. He was confused by this sudden show of emotions since Jim was usually quite good at hiding them through telling jokes, covering them with logic or through snide remarks. The only time George had actually seen his son emotional was when he was younger, but then even that was rare. James was a strong kid despite his weakness, as some would call it. George, on the other hand, called it one of his many strengths. Jim could see what others could not, metephorically of course. "It's alright.." His dad spoke, patting his son's back reassuringly.

"...you were dead.." Was all that came out, muffled as he returned his father's hug.

"I am very much alive as you can see.." He let out a small laugh, allowing his son to let out what he needed to.

"I can't see, actually." He came back, sniffling a laugh as he backed away, glad he was able to fight back the tears threatening to fall. His dream had been so realistic, so hard to differentiate between reality and dream world, that it was unsettling. His father was dead in his dream as was Sam, his mother still around but out of his life. She had her own reasons to be away, Jim understood that. She couldn't stand the sight of him afterall he was a reminder of the man she loved, the man that sacrificed his life to save her, Jim and 800 other people. George Kirk was a hero in his dream when out here, in the real world, he was a mechanic and his mother a flight attendant.

"Sometimes I forget, sue me... Besides you don't exactly make it easy to remember the fact." And he didn't. Jim would go to any lengths to trick people into thinking he was perfectly normal. George could understand why. Jim didn't want to be pitied. He wanted a normal life, something his family tried very hard to grant him.

Jim could only smirk, feeling a firm hand slap against his shoulder in a playful manner. And then suddnely a picture flew into his mind; A flash of a pale, lean man with evan black hair and dark brown eyes that starred back at him with such emotion despite the great lack of it on his face. He had pointed ears and wore a blue shirt with gold trimming and was standing infront of Jim, hands folded behind his back with a lifted brow. Jim knew this face, knew those pointed ears. It was the man from his dream; Spock. But why was he seeing him now? What relivance did Spock have here, in this moment?

"You sure you're alright?"

Shaking his head a bit, he gave a nodd, attempting to reassure his father. "Yeah, I'm golden!" He added a famous Jim Kirk smile as he heard his dad chuckle as he left the room. Once the last of his father's foot steps faded, Jim let out a breath. 'Man, that was hard..' he thought to himself, running a hand through his hair before continuing on into the kitchen where he heard yet another familiar voice; his mother. She was singing a familiar tune; a song from his childhood.

"Morning." She spoke over her shoulder, her focus on the french toast cooking in the pan infront of her. Though that wasn't the only thing she had going. Jim, stepped closer to the stove, eyes wandering over the several pans and pots on the burners. There was hashbrowns and eggs cooking as well. The smell alone was enough to make his mouth water.

The rest of his day continued on just like any other day. He met up with his friend Bobby and played basketball for a few hours, tricking the other players down at the court out of their money. It was a thing he and Bobby did to get a few extra bucks. Bobby would set up a bet -them verses himself, a blind kid- , they thought it was easy but to their dismay Jim was actually quite good and gratefully took their money. After his little game he'd spend the rest of his day with his brother, Sam. They went to a few different places around Iowa even if there wasn't really anywhere to go they'd find a place. It didn't matter to Jim. He liked spending time with his brother, appreciated it more so now than before thanks to his dream. In it Sam had died just like his father, though it was much later and on a different planet.

It was strange how much his dream had made him appreciate his time with his family.

Night soon came, taking the days excitment with it. It was time to settle down and sleep, something he wasn't exactly looking forward to but he still got into bed and shut his eyes, figuring resting them wasn't such a bad idea. Besides, not all dreams had a habit of reappearing after all.


End file.
